Life, Love, Friendship and Sex

Earlier today I wrote this in an email to a new friend of mine.  I thought it might also like to hear what you all think about it.

I am going to tell you my view on Love, Life and Happiness.  Sound like a tall order?  Sound like some heavy stuff?  Well, I hope it all makes sense very quickly for, you see, I know what the meaning of life is - it is to be happy.  It sounds like a platitude, like a simple minded and meaningless cliche but in fact it implies a great deal and completely colors the way I view the world and approach life.  My goal in life is not to have lots of wealth, nor a successful career, nor even to have a wonderful relationship.  My goal is to be happy - to spend as much of my life being as happy I can.  I believe there is both long term happiness as well as short term and you need a balance of both of them in life.  Sometimes you must sacrifice in order to prepare for future happiness but sometimes you must embrace what makes you happy now - stop and smell the roses.  Sometimes you go out drinking with friends, get wasted and party but you can not do it all the time for eventually you will be sick and poor. Balance is the key.  So, in my life I work hard to be successful in my career.  I do this because I know it will provide the satisfaction of accomplishment and will provide financial stability, but I do it because it makes me happy.  The job is not the goal, the money is not the goal.  The same is true in my marriage.  Having a good relationship is not the goal - making sure we are both happy is.  The relationship contributes to my happiness.  This is the way I think and it has lead me to a very different view on love, friendship and sex.

     I see no difference in love and friendship.  Love is an amazing emotion, it comes in so many forms - the love you have for family, the love of a pet, the love of a friend and the love of your true partner.  To me, friendship is a form of love.  Some friends also find each other attractive, have sexual feeling for each other.  This is a wonderful thing.  It does not mean that your friend has to be "the one", it does not even mean you need to fuck them.  There are many ways to share passion with someone - kisses, touches, oral and fucking.  They are all valid things to do with a friend.  These sexual feelings are an expression of affection, of trust and of love.  You are telling that person you value them, you find them attractive, you want to make them feel pleasure.  Perhaps with one friend you enjoy casual touches, rubbing shoulders, caressing back, small kisses, close embraces.  With another friend you like to reach between their legs and touch them, pleasure them.  With another friend you get on your knees between their legs and lick and suck them into paradise and there is one more friend you drag into bed and fuck them again and again for the entire weekend.  These are all friends, you all agree you are friends, you love each other but you are not that persons partner and they are not yours.  A person has only one partner - this is their best friend, you share passion with them yes, but also you share every day life, you take turns cleaning the bathroom, you argue over who has to clean the cat box, you dream together, you cry together - your lives are one, you are We.  It is in this freedom of relationships, being able to express what you feel for a person that happiness exists for me for I get my truest happiness by making others happy.  I will work hard, sacrifice my time and effort in order to make those I love happy.  I spoil my wife beyond belief, but her happiness is what I want.  I also want other friends to make happy.  Friends I can hang out with and just have fun - others that I am close to and we feel free to be affectionate.  Love is one of the most amazing substances in the universe; you do not have some limited supply of love to hand out to those few you value most.  Instead, the more love you give, the more you have - it is truly amazing.

     This seems to be very different from the way most people see the world.  My wife says that the physical relations between friends ifs too complicated, and I understand what she means, but then again life is complicated.  It is also complicated to have those feelings for a friend and to hide them or suppress them.  But I respect her feelings.  I know she has problems with self-esteem.  She is jealous, she is afraid she will loose me to someone else (we have been together for almost 17 years).  I do not feel jealousy - I do not feel possessive of her.  I feel protective of her, of her safety and her happiness.  I do not own her in any way - she is with me every day because every day she decides I am the one she loves above all others.  Can you imagine how much sweeter that is if she were to have other friends she loved, others she was attracted to, that she had close physical relationships with - but in the end she continues to see me as her one partner?  She is my partner and no other could ever be that - no one could take her place as that - but there are some amazing women out there I want as a friend, to be able to share my passion with.  We will see.