I started this blog in order to explore my sexual fantasies; to try to understand them. Why do I have the fantasies I do? Are my fantasies only exciting if I think of them as becoming real? This is what I really struggle with because the answer to that one is yes. In order for a fantasy to really turn me on I have to frame it in my mind as a potential reality. I can certainly tell stories that are purely imagination but in order for them to arouse me I have to imagine them as real. I have to feel her against me, imagine touching her, hearing her, smelling her.
I have tendencies that would put me within the polyamory world I suppose; though I have never been one for holding with any system of beliefs. I feel what I feel and cannot convince myself to do otherwise – I suppose I am too honest for my own good. My wife understands to a certain extent but certainly not enough to ever make it a reality; at least as things stand now. She likes to tell stories, roll-play. I suppose I should exploit that more. The fact is that sex with her takes a lot of mental effort on my part so all too often I feel too tired to invent a good story and make it arousing for both of us. That is terribly lazy of me since that could be the very thing that leads to greater things. So, I will work on that.
How do you feel? Do your fantasies have to feel like reality in order to arouse you?
I kind of agree Marcus. The thought of potential reality is what really gets me going, fantasy wise. It's harder to connect if I just don't see myself as part of the scene, if I can't imagine the feelings involved, etc.
ReplyDeleteI think I started my blog for a similar reason. To explore these thoughts, these fantasies I was having. To connect with others who had similar thoughts, feelings, viewpoints (and it didn't help that everyone in this little community, guy or girl, turns out is pretty crazy sexy in each their own ways.). I don't know that any of my thoughts, my connections, my chats, my comments, etc if any of them would ever become reality, or even if given the chance I would make them reality...but the fun, the turn on is there even without the real life payoff. I hope to use that sexual energy, that inspiration that blogs and bloggers provide, and find a way to have more/better sex at home.
But who knows...
I was married for 10 years and was always the more sexual one. I shared what I wanted and was very open about my needs... (although in my case he never cared to oblige) I hope this helps, if not then erase and that's fine.... I think all your thoughts and needs and desires are amazing. Maybe share them with your partner she may be feeling the same.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same as you all the fantasies I have are in my head but only really turn me on if I can see a real person enjoying them with me, if I know how his hands feel on me or how his lips taste.
Hope this was even a lil helpful
That was a great comment Will, thank you. I also try to take the energy and excitement I gain from this site home. I have been fairly successful but find myself left with the frustrations of unfulfilled desires. So that is my current quest, to see if I can make a fantasy just a fantasy. Can I poor these feelings and desires into a story and leave them there? I suppose we will see.
ReplyDeleteGigi, I know the feeling. I have been with my wife for 17 years and while my problem is not that I am the more sexual one, it is that I am the caregiver in the relationship. I do not begrudge her that at all, I love doing it but at times it can be very hard to let my needs come out when I am so used to taking care of her, I just can't turn off that radar I have; always sensing what she needs. It is a challenge. When you add to that the fact that I only had the one sexual experience before meeting her, well I am left with a surplus of curiosity. I would never erase one of your comments my dear I love'em all.
Most of us create blogs to express a part of ourselves, which may or may not be possible in real life. The cyberspace offers anonymity and freedom of expression - so it is understandable why you want to blog about your fantasies.
ReplyDeleteAs regards to your relationship with your wife, I can relate how difficult it can take to be excited about your partner when you have been together for many years. Why? Because everyday life and pressures dulls it and makes it ordinary. So, why not take a break together, go out and do something you guys haven't done before. Change the scenery, so to speak.
Also, I believe in sexual chemistry - either you have it together or not. If you have that sexual bond, the years together won't matter.